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Thread: Depression...

  1. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gavin Newman View Post
    I'm glad this subject is getting an airing, I find myself facing retirement in the next few months after 47 years with the same company in a high pressure 24x7 technical job and the prospect has me anxious, sleepless and somewhat down on the whole thing. At this stage I have no idea how I am going to handle it but handle it I must.
    Hi Gavin, is this a forced retirement, or one of your choosing????
    I find it absolutly amazing, that someone has 47 years with the same employer.
    The way to handle it, is to enjoy life, volunteer somewhere that your skills can be utilised, and keep active.
    Kryn
    To grow old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

  2. #17
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    I was thrown into a dilemma in my late 30's when the corporation I worked for was bought by an overseas corporation and all the management was retrenched and replaced.
    I'd be lying if I said the first few weeks were anything but numbness but fortunately a close mate said, Could you use this as an opportunity to do anything you have dreamed about but pushed aside because it wasnt 'practical'.
    My wife was working full time so we could get by, and i had enough day to day interest as a stay at home dad.
    Fortunately I took the question seriously and realised I'd had pushed 'dreams' aside because they werent practical and so I set my self the task of reflecting on 'stuff I would have liked to do'.
    I realised I had always wanted to write so I decided that the first step started that very day, and some research showed up an adult education course in creative writing. While waiting for it to start I went and bought a typewriter and enrolled in a touch typing course at the same college.
    within six months by total luck, I had a part time job working for the ABC radio writing childrens stories.
    I never won an oscar, but it pulled me back into life in a wonderful new way and wrote some new life rules for me, that have made retirement a delight and full of adventure
    (1) Stay aware of things you would really like to try
    (2) Take steps in the here and now to get started on that road
    (3) Be persistant
    (4)Believe that Good things come to those who get off their ass and do stuff (ie the harder I work the luckier I get)

  3. #18
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    Thanks for the support and advice, didn't mean to hijack Michael's thread but it's good to talk sometimes.

    Quote Originally Posted by KBs PensNmore View Post
    Hi Gavin, is this a forced retirement, or one of your choosing????
    I find it absolutly amazing, that someone has 47 years with the same employer.
    The way to handle it, is to enjoy life, volunteer somewhere that your skills can be utilised, and keep active.
    Kryn
    The leaving is sort of my own choosing, more that the realisation has hit me that in the last 40 years that my wife and I have been married the job has meant too many weekends and nights at work, in that time we have never had more than a week off at a time and it's time to have time together while we can. All our parents are at the end stages, and not in a pleasant way, and that also brings life into perspective.

    My wife is and has been my greatest supporter and I need to look after her now rather than my career.

    I will be volunteering if someone will have me, the problem with working as a "one-man-band" within a company for so long is that you have no-one to compare yourself with so you begin to doubt whether you have the skills to do that - we shall see.

    Thanks all.

  4. #19
    BobL is offline Member: Blue and white apron brigade
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    Quote Originally Posted by Briangoldcoast View Post
    (1) Stay aware of things you would really like to try
    (2) Take steps in the here and now to get started on that road
    (3) Be persistant
    (4)Believe that Good things come to those who get off their ass and do stuff (ie the harder I work the luckier I get)
    Some good tips there Brian.

    I couldn't wait to retire as I had so many things I wanted to try and was worried I had not retired soon enough to get even a few of them done. The plan was to do some part time work but that never got far. I have done a few small jobs like nature playground timber carving for tree lopper mate but that was as much for fun as for the money.

    Just over 6 years later I've done some short courses like a blacksmiths course and went on the scraping weekend which were very enjoyable, volunteering with RSL care, and did the mens shed thing for about 4 years before realising I prefer my own company and work space when working on projects.

    Project wise I started out with a burst but have been somewhat health and sleep limited in the last couple of years and would probably have been really depressed if I had retired a few years later with these health conditions underway. SWMBO reckons I do suffer from depression from time to time about the health conditions. I try to stumble through it all. I think its mostly its just anger at being restricted in how long I can stand or walk.

    I have drifted into 4 different mens "coffee/gossip" groups, two of these groups are former work colleagues and one is spin off from the men's shed, plus mates are always contacting me for a catch up coffee. I and could go to coffee/bruch/lunch multiple times a week with these groups but I usually limit this to one per week.

    Sorting out mum into dementia care and then MIL into her care facility and now cleaning up her place after she passed away recently has taken up a fair bit of time and I would not like to have been doing this while working. Baby sitting the grandies and just visiting them during the week has also consumed a lot of (enjoyable) time. The other grand parents still work so we are able to see the grandies far more often than them.

    My project list has gotten longer than ever so when I do finish something there's even more of a sense of achievement.

    SWMBO is very keen to travel. After much protest from me we bought a small van but have only been away in it a few times. SWMBO is interested in OS travel but i've had enough of airports and suitcase living from when I worked and she has finally giving up and going away for a month with some girl friends. Might even get some projects completed during that month Might still do some travel if my health improves and don't have to have a blood test every two weeks.

    Our two dogs are more commitment but are great for my psyche - they are always at my feet, often with a ball and expectant faces. When I pick up my van keys and ride up front with me every time I go to the hardware or other place. At the traffic lights I drop their window and they poke their heads out and attract attention from many people. The classic was a bogan couple with a kid in a pusher crossing the street - they stopped to pat the dogs and said "Bewdiful dogs mate, they are a credit to you" ??

  5. #20
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    I'm amazed at the number of guys who want to escape their wives and couples who have separate holidays. For me that is odd, I've been married 37 years and wouldn't dream of going anywhere without my wife, even to the local shops. We are very rarely separated and do everything together.


    Even after 37 years of marriage I still can't get enough of my wife.

  6. #21
    BobL is offline Member: Blue and white apron brigade
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4me View Post
    I'm amazed at the number of guys who want to escape their wives and couples who have separate holidays. For me that is odd, I've been married 37 years and wouldn't dream of going anywhere without my wife, even to the local shops. We are very rarely separated and do everything together. Even after 37 years of marriage I still can't get enough of my wife.
    I can see how one would think it odd but that wouldn't work for us. We have travelled many times together and have enjoyed it but these it's not so much about the being together as the travel itself. I've had more than enough of airports, queues, really dislike being in crowds, living out of suitcases etc. With the van its the prep, pack and unpack and cleanup (see below) that I don't like. I'd rather just go to a B&B.

    Any shopping trips with SWMBO ends up in frustration - she dawdles along looking at this product, then compares it to that one, then another one, then back to the first one, and then buys none of them, and it takes 3-4 times longer I do to get through the supermarket. As a result I do the bulk of the grocery shopping and she picks up specials at a farmers market on the way home from riding her horse.

    One of the things I find hard to handle about travelling is the preparation. SWMBO starts out weeks or even months ahead and agonizes over which suitcase to use and lays her stuff out so she can see it all and checks it over and over. She practice packs and weights everything a few times and then manages to shoehorn extras until she reaches the desired luggage weight. Me, I grab a few things the day before and stuff them in a duffle bag. Then when I don't have the "decent" shirt or pants there are more complaints. Packing the van is particularly challenging. We got around most of it by buying a complete set of most things and they stay in the van but there is still all her hobby stuff (most of which she doesn't touch) the clothing (most of which she doesn't use) and her 3 different chairs, camping upright, camping lay-back, and beach chair.

  7. #22
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    I have been a victim of Depression for just on 20 years. I had to "retire early" because I couldn't cope at work. I had a couple of goes at employment earlier on but ended up on a pension. It still doesn't fit square with me but it helps to live. I have anxiety issues as well that seem to be getting worse as time goes by. I am frustrated most of the time due to the Depression robbing me of any enthusiasm to doing anything. Many times I have been in the house in front of the computer reading on the Forum, then head outside to do a project/whatever, I will go in the PA door look at every thing in the shed (half finished jobs, current job on the go, future jobs.....I have the timber/steel, tools, machinery, ....) look around me and go straight back in the house and watch TV. Yes TV and being board with it. But that's all I can do. At the end of the day I chastise myself by saying "Well that's another day you have wasted".

    This "ritual" is cyclic. Some times I can go to the shed and do wonders but it doesn't necessarily mean I can do it tomorrow. It has been suggested that I join a Men's Shed but the thought of mixing with others is just not appealing to me and neither does volunteer work. I don't like crowds or driving in traffic. The wife has Depression/Anxiety as well and doesn't want to do or go anywhere so we stay at home. I call her "The Wet Blanket". She has an uncanny knack to dissolve any enthusiasm I may muster. She is SO NEGATIVE.

    We have 5 cats that live in the house and they can go out during the day into an enclosure so they can't get at the native birds that I feed in the front yard. We also have 3 dogs. I have tried walking them for a couple of Kms but no enthusiasm has stopped that.

    I have a mate (divorced) who is Bi-Polar and is on a pension as well. He is a mechanic so is quite a practical type of bloke. We talk to each other a couple of times a day which is good for both of us.

    During January I was wanting to do a project and came across Michael G post on his small sheet metal folder. He was good enough to send me some drawings and photos so I could embark on this job. Its nearly finished but the enthusiasm has been rock bottom low. I made a folder more than 20 years ago to fold some sheet material to restore a WW II Jeep Trailer. It could fold straight folds up to a metre but I was always wanting to add fingers which would make it more versatile. So even with more than 20 years wanting to do the fingers enthusiasm was hard to make.

    I have, over the time, done some small jobs for neighbours but the anxiety that came with it didn't make me do more. Its a bastead. I am on medication which helps me cope but its not curing me. Some do goodders have told me "Snap out of it" but I just can't. I have to wait until the cycle allows it.

    I apologies for waffling on and I thank you all for allowing me to do it.
    Just do it!

    Kind regards Rod

  8. #23
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    Bob, it's not only your wife that checks this against that etc, I think it's a Woman thing.
    My first wife didn't drive and had me going to 3 different stores Bilo, Woolworths, and Coles, to see which one had the besy prices, then we had to go around again to purchasenthe "specials". Then turn around and say that she saved $5.00, never mind it cost me $10.00 in fuel!!!!!!
    Going away, a couple of pairs of Jocks, clean socks, a clean T shirt and jeans and I'm packed!!! No 3 suit cases of clothes, just in case, that never see the light of day. I say I'm going camping, NOT to a Fashion Parade!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Hi Rod, your problem is the same as mine, some days I can't go into the shops because of the anxiety. The lack of enthusiasm, I'm always asked "Why can't you get enthused by anything???"
    Some days, I go to bed and pray I don't wake up???? Sometimes I'll be crossing the road, and there'll be B Double coming and I'll think to myself, I could easily stop right here and have a truck end it for me. What stops me? My "family on here", the few friends I have, and the thought my partner will sell the machines and tools, for less than what I told her I paid for them!!!!
    I can't even get enthused about my shed, all the crap laying there, waiting for cabinets and shelving to be made, so it can be put away!!!!!
    I try to hide my Deppression by telling jokes, on the front, I'm a happy go lucky person, but deep inside, I'm really hurting.
    It's good that WE can discuss this openly, and honestly, so Michael I THANK YOU very much for bringing up this subject. It's great that we can talk to other sufferers and know WE are NOT alone here.
    If anyone wants to chat with me offline I'm happy to talk and listen with you.
    Kryn
    To grow old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

  9. #24
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    I think all women are like that, certainly my wife is: dawdling through the shops looking at things, boring, but she enjoys it. Similarly, I dawdle through the hardwares and tool shops which bores her. We all have different interests, the trick is to enjoy watching the wife enjoy herself and vice versa.

    It'd be nice if everyone was the same, had the same interests and so on but, that's not realistic so make the most of what you have and enjoy the wife enjoying her little pleasures. After all, she puts up with mine!

  10. #25
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    I have discovered one thing that helps -
    At one stage in Tasmania I was having a particularly bad time and was willing to try just about anything. I had heard that meditation helped and so chased up a local Buddhist monk, who taught me the basics of Buddhist meditation.
    I found that meditating daily was able to break that constant stream of negative thought that happens with depression. I would suggest to those of you who suffer from depression to try meditation. I'm certainly not aiming for enlightenment but as I said, it does help break that thought cycle. I found it more helpful than medication.

    Michael

  11. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4me View Post
    I came down with an auto immune disease which robbed me of normal bodily functions and sees me in pain 24/7. I suffered from depression for a couple of years and thought daily of ending it because I could no longer do the things I wanted and knew the disease was only going to get worse. Eventually I accepted the new normal and put those thoughts to the side. I still suffer pain greatly and there is very little I can do. Luckily I'm a pretty self motivated type person and I got on with life, accepting my condition as the new normal.
    Wasn't that pleasant experiencing all those negative thoughts but luckily I lived through them. I'm under no false illusion though, I know one day those thoughts will return as the condition worsens and I will act on those negative thoughts. For now I'm happy and hope to stay that way for a long time, I have lots and lots of things to build. But, that's life I guess, some are lucky, some are not.
    Something to look at perhaps...

    I had recurring gout and severe joint pain. Dr's talking pills which others told me once yer on them yer on them for life which did not appeal. Did my own research. After doing a youtube review of the 'scientific' knowledge I stopped eating tomatoes - gout gone in days.
    Further research had me on a meat/milk/cheese only diet with the only plant food being coffee - After a month joint pain practically disappeared.
    For many years I had been shuffling around like a far older man. Now I walk tall, even run around like a young colt...

    From my own experience I reckon a lot of our modern health problems are directly related to what we eat.

  12. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by BaronJ View Post
    So my advice is to look forward to retirement and enjoy it !
    six years and counting!
    Chris

  13. #28
    BobL is offline Member: Blue and white apron brigade
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    Quote Originally Posted by YBAF View Post
    From my own experience I reckon a lot of our modern health problems are directly related to what we eat.
    That's half of it - the other is the amounts.
    Most of our grocery food budget is spent on quality fresh ingredients.
    The fresh vegetables (and small amounts of fruit - can't have much cause I'm diabetic) are typically around 1/3 of our grocery shop spend.
    My weight problem is less about what I eat and more about the amount on the plate and the 2nd and 3rd helpings.

  14. #29
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    When I was diagnosed I to looked to my diet: cutting out inflammatory and processed foods and concentrating on antiinflammatory and leafy green vegetables (we are largely vegetarians anyway only eating meat perhaps once every week or two) I even went so far as to drink cucumber and celery juice for a week to cleans my system. Once completed I ate lots and lots of greens all to no avail, it had absolutely no affect. I'm now back to my usual diet, mostly vegetables, lots of fruit and plenty of chocolate and biscuits. Again, no difference.

    I am also a diabetic but, unlike BobL I eat plenty of fruit, chocolate, biscuits and all the other stuff some diabetics say you shouldn't. I don't see a specialist any morre my GP taking over that position, he is more than happy with my three monthly bloods, coming in at mid to high sixes.

    Everyone is different, what works for some doesn't necessarily work for another. Now I've come to terms with my new normal, depression is no longer an issue, I'm reasonably active again and aside from the auto immune disease I picked up, diabetes and high blood pressure reasonably healthy. Now there's an oxy moronic statement if ever there was one!

  15. #30
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    Default What is 'Anxiety'?

    Looks like this thread has hit a spot for many of us to 'talk' about a subject we would not have so easily a decade or two ago.
    I think that is a great development in our society!
    As some of you knew already, I too have been living with depression since my teenage years - without knowing that until I was in my 30s and working in mental health. Only then did the penny drop and I sought help.....

    Anyway, as a result of a long career in psychiatry in many different environments - including university - I learnt and understood lots. I seem to manage my own condition a lot better as a result.
    One of the things I figured out and applied to treat depression is best described in an analogy.

    Here goes.
    Anxiety is actually your friend! It is almost NEVER a diagnosis - except in a couple of very rare specific psychiatric conditions.
    Imagine or remember driving an old car that has the propensity to overheat when stressed - going up long hills, loaded up heavily or towing. How do you know it is going to or has overheated? You keep looking at the temperature gauge! It tells you that the cooling system is getting hot. Nothing more nothing less.
    It gives you the "diagnosis" of heating up or overheating. Fat lot of good that does.... But it allows you to adjust your driving to match the capacity of what you have. It becomes your "friend" - certainly not your foe! It allows you to adapt a driving style which prevents your engine from seizing or blowing up. You may even have to take a break to let things cool dow a bit every now and then.
    Do you go to to an auto electrician and ask them to fix the temperature gauge so it no longer shows high high temperature? No, you go to a car mechanic and ask them to find the cause... you may even know it could be a blocked radiator, leaking water pump, low oil, worn bearings, worn oil pump, corrosion in the head or block, slipping fan belt, etc.etc.
    I have never heard of anyone putting masking tape over the temperature gauge so you can't see it any more! In fact we would panic if the temperature gauge stopped working altogether.

    Yet that is what many people and GPs do: prescribe and take medication which prevents you feeling the anxiety. Like Valium and such.
    Anxiety is the "gauge" of the state of your mental health - nothing more, nothing less. Make it your friend! Keep a close eye on it when the road of life takes you up a steep hill.

    The mechanics for our mental health are psychologists and psychiatrists. Psychologists can advise you and talk you through finding the causes and remedy them yourselves (like checking the coolant and oil, fan belt, leaks, etc.) and the psychiatrists are the specialist who can who can fix the underlying problems (take apart the radiator and clean it out and put it back together, replace the water pump, replace the bearings, measure and replace the oil pump etc.).

    We are all smart enough to apply this analogy to our own life and it's special intricacies.
    I leave you to ponder your own temperature gauges.... and consult someone to find the cause - or indeed adjust your behaviour and circumstances to reduce your anxiety.

    One last thing: anxiety uses up the same brain biochemicals which regulate your mood (mostly serotonin). Once it's used up, or used at a higher rate than it is synthesised, your mood goes into freefall: depression. It is inevitable if you don't respond to long-term anxiety! Just like your engine packing it in if you don't heed the warning of an overheating engine.
    Early signs are sleep problems, weight changes, appetite changes, lack of motivation, loss of interest in the things that matter to you, feeling down.
    They all tell you that serotonin is running low or depleted.

    Go get it fixed - and not by an autoelectrician
    Cheers, Joe
    retired - less energy, more time to contemplate projects and more shed time....

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